Some Adjustments
To add on to what I was saying earlier. You have her off balance. I made a quick example here in the Dump: http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/eddbb891c1549b10fa9848d4805a2fe5
The red line is to show you the Vertical and Horizontal Axis. The blue arrow is to show which way I tilted the piece. I did nothing else but rotate the piece a little to try and put her more on balance.
I can see you wanted to go for the shit, trying to hide away from the crowd, kind of pose here, and it starts to work, you just need to practice it a little more.
For the line work, it looks like you are trying to use some sort of felt tipped pen, like a sharpie or something. I would suggest to only use those on very large pieces. Perhaps if you got an Ultra Fine Point Sharpie, then it could be used for this. You should look in to some technical pens. Some are pretty cheap and easily picked up.
Also play with your line weight a little. At the moment you have this constant thickness of line around the whole body. By tapering the line in certain areas you can achieve a much more dynamic look with the line art alone.
A down side of technical pens is that this will be harder to maintain, but can be done by manually adding the line weight yourself.
Good luck on your next piece, and feel free to drop by the art form again for more helpful tips and pointers.